And THIS is exactly why I'm leaving....

When I accepted my position in this office 2 years ago, I knew more about this job and it's regulations then people who actually worked for the state did. I've honestly forgotten more about this job then they ever knew.

So it really wasn't that big of a deal when I was faced with a honest to Governor emergency out-of-state travel request on a Friday. Because yeah, I not only know how to do my job, but I do my job like a bad ass.

I've been working on this travel packet for the past week and a half now, with a traveler who has this super serious monster of a case (involving a multi-million dollar fraud case, the FBI, two investment firms located in another, very sunny state, and one very elderly and once wealthy client), and the flip-flop between needing to go and then not needing to go and then needing to go again. This trip has been booked, cancelled, re booked, cancelled again, and re booked again more often than a Whitney Houston concert.

As the week drew to a close, the panic began to rise in the minds of my "superiors". When asked about this yesterday, I calmly informed my boss that "it literally only takes an hour, at most, to get approval from the Commissioner's office. What takes forever is our Director and Deputy Director who hold on to these things for weeks at a time, when really, all they have to do is write up a damn piece of paper asking for permission." (and yes, friends, I really DID say that!) I think my frustration with this division is becoming more and more clear each day.

So yesterday, it was a big deal that I get everything ready to go to the Deputy Director. Well, I follow all the procedures as I'm supposed to, as usual, get everything done and ready to go, and hand it over to the DD. Well, unknown to me, it's an even BIGGER deal now, because the Director AND the Commissioner are both out of the office on personal days today (Friday). Well, fucking fantastic, because who the hell are we going to get approval from now? Like I honestly care, really, it's technically not MY problem!

Well, someone ALWAYS has to throw a fucking wrench into these things in order to completely fuck things up and make them FAR more complicated than they really need to be. I'm telling you, these people thoroughly enjoy watching people jump through hoops for no particular reason other than their own amusement. Even when they're not even there to witness the chaos.

Enter the Director, who calls the DD this morning, and comes up with some convoluted story that the trustee in this case is to pay for everything up front, and in order for this to happen, the Department of Finance has to be drug into this somehow. So of course, the DD comes to me and explains that the trustee has to pay for EVERYTHING up front so we don't have to bear the cost from our budget, and the DOF needs to be called to find out how this is supposed to happen.

In my two years working for the state, I have NEVER heard anything like this. And I have become quite the expert at all things financial in the world of state travel.

So, I explain, with a great deal of boredom in my voice, that this isn't going to happen, DOF has NOTHING to do with our travel, or the purchasing of, and that the policies require that WE pay for everything first and THEN get reimbursed after the fact by the trustee. This is the state policy, and it's there for a reason. Trust me. I've learned those reasons. The hard way.

But no, she insists that it HAS to be done this way. So we go to my supervisor, who has a knack for blowing things WAAAAAY out of proportion, and now she's in panic mode because Governor forbid, there should be a policy or procedure in this state that she's not familiar with (which is pretty much ALL of them!), so now she's insistent on calling up the Department of Administrative Services (DAS - The people who live in the capital and are responsible for ensuring all policies and procedures and regulations are strictly adhered to), to question them about this. Once more, I find myself dragged into the middle of a completely unnecessary conference call, completely annoyed and bored out of my mind, already knowing what the answer is going to be.

Sure enough, they confirm what I already know, what I've learned that no matter how hard I try to explain to these people the policies and procedures, apparently they will not believe it until they have jumped through all 50 flaming hoops. So we move forward. Only now, the trustee is going to be making all the arrangements themselves, so I don't need to book the air, hotel and car, I only need to figure out the amount of money the traveler is going to get for food while on the trip, as this is the amount the trustee will need to reimburse the state for this trip.

So, as I'm retyping up this request and all the forms (for what certainly seems like the 20th time at this point), I'm just about done with everything when my boss comes out of nowhere and hits me with what I already knew was coming anyway. The Director just called, and now she wants us to pay for everything up front and then have the trustee pay us back. So, now I DO need to make all the arrangements, AND retype the request and necessary paperwork.

Fucking awesome. I fucking hate you people.

So as I'm starting to do this... on the VERY slow program we use for all travel arrangements (reminds me of the days when everyone was on dial-up internet connections... and it was considered FAST!) she proceeds to ask me if I understand and if I can do this, and get it done now because this is clearly a "priority".

I can't even look at her at this point, because if I do, I'm probably going to start laughing in her face. I really wish I could just tell these people how utterly predictable and ridiculous they are. If I could put dog collars on them and have the Director run them all over the building like an obstacle course at the American Kennel Club, I could make a killing in Pay Per View proceeds.

Yes, I tell her, with about as much enthusiasm as I can muster - which really is about the same amount as a 3 year old when told they're going to spend the evening at the opera - I can do this. I'll have it just as soon as this damn website gets moving.

About an hour later, she comes out and asks me if I've sent this off for approval yet, to which I tell her no, you wanted me to do up two itineraries for comparison purposes, and I'm just now finishing up the second one. As soon as this is done, I'll send it. As I tell her this, I'm filing my nails.

No, seriously. This damn website is so slow, I have the opportunity to give myself a manicure while I'm waiting for all the damn pages to load.

So, I get this thing sent off, and I'm not kidding when I say that 20 minutes after I've scanned all the paperwork down to the capital and the Commissioner's office, my boss comes out once again and asks me if I've sent this off yet. Yes, I tell her, it's been sent. It's out of my hands at this point. At which point she promptly runs into the DD's office and gives her a status update that it's in the hands of the Commissioner's office now. I can only imagine that honestly, she doesn't give a flying fuck, and really won't give a crap until we hear whether or not it's been approved.

I head to lunch very shortly after all this happens, because yeah, quite frankly, I could really not care any less about this fucking trip, and if they thought I was going to sit there at my desk constantly hitting send/receive until the answer came back, they were sadly mistaken.

I go to lunch, which consisted of running home and checking my mail, checking my facebook page, and then heading back to the office. Upon returning, I see a note taped to my desk from my boss saying that she was going to be taking a very long lunch and wouldn't be back until sometime after 2, but that I really needed to keep an eye out for the approval to come back, and once we did get an answer back, I needed to forward a copy to her and the DD, and as soon as I did that, I needed to walk into the DD's office and TELL HER that I just sent her a copy of the email (I'm fucking serious people, I can't make this shit up!!), and then tell her that I didn't forward a copy to the Director, and ask if she wanted to do that, or if I should. And then she tells me that I will need to follow up (i.e., harass) the travel agency to make sure they got me the finalized and ticketed itinerary as soon as possible, because the traveler HAS TO HAVE THIS INFORMATION BEFORE I LEAVE FOR THE DAY. Well, no shit Sherlock. How in the fuck would the traveler know what damn flight to get on if I didn't send it to him??

Well, as I sit down at my desk, I log back into my computer to find that the approval has come back. Surprise, fucking surprise. Didn't see THAT one coming. (I really wish there were a sarcasm font... would convey the emphasis I hear quite clearly in MY head....)

Before I forward on to my boss and the DD, I contact the travel agency and have them issue the final itinerary. Oh, but wait. I'm fucking smart, and I know this traveler has an unused ticket that we can apply to this trip, so I have them reuse that ticket too. Because guess what? I KNOW HOW TO DO MY DAMN JOB!! As soon as I have the final itinerary, I forward that on to the traveler, and THEN I forward the approval to my boss and the DD.

See what I did there? I did my damn job and made sure everything was taken care of. Because yeah, that's what I do.

I walk into the DD's office, feeling like a complete and utter fucking moron for what I'm about to do, but nonetheless, I TELL HER I just sent her an email, that I didn't forward to the Director, would she like me to do that, or would she be doing that? I swear to God, she looked at me as if I were retarded and said, "No, that's fine. She doesn't need it. She's not even checking her emails today."

Go fucking figure. I really hate my boss right now.


So, as soon as my boss gets back from her long lunch, she makes it a point to stop by my desk and let me know that she saw we got the approval, and she just wants to know where we're at on getting the final itinerary. I hold up my copy of the paperwork and say it's already done, and I already sent it to the traveler. She can't hide the shock and surprise that she clearly feels at this moment. She then goes into some long winded explanation of needing a write up of all the costs for this trip so we can give it to the trustee so we can have the reimbursement taken care of before the travel is even done. I say I can't do that.


She looks stunned.

I then explain that I can't say what the exact final total will be for a few reasons. I tell her that considering I don't know how much taxes and fees the rental car agency and hotel is going to charge, I can't predict exactly how much gas the traveler is going to need to purchase for the rental car, I can't say exactly how much the airline is going to charge for baggage, because really, I don't know how much luggage they are taking on this trip, and for fucks sake, I can't predict the weather or what is going to happen to the flight, and there's ALWAYS the possibility the traveler could get stuck somewhere due to mechanical failure of a plane (happens a LOT with the airline we have a contract with) or due to weather, or hell, a fucking volcano could erupt and cause flight delays that could result in more money for food, an extra night in a hotel, an extra day with the rental car, or the Feds could tie up the damn case he's attending in court, and he could need to stay longer. So no, I cannot and will not presume to know how much this trip will cost, and won't even attempt to figure out the final costs until the traveler has returned and given me ALL of the receipts. Then, and only then will I total everything up so we can get a check from the trustee.


She blinked a few times, said "yeah, I guess that makes sense. Okay." and walked off to finish absorbing the logic that I just immersed her in.


And this, dear friends, is exactly why I am leaving this job, and why I frankly don't give a shit that I'm leaving them at the worst possible moment in the fiscal year (for them anyway, it's the start of summer for me!)


~GG